Making A Choice
by Raven Shadowrose
Summary: Dixie has a choice to make, what will she decide to do?
1. Chapter One

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Making A Choice**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: Making choices is sometimes the hardest thing to do.**

**Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, the story and all original characters belong to me and I do not give permission for them to reproduced or used elsewhere.**

**Reviews are welcome :)**

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**Chapter One... Dixie.**

'Dixie.' I heard a voice softly calling my name. 'Dixie, wake up, I need to talk to you.' I opened my eyes and registered the sound of waves quietly coming in to rest against the shore. I sat up and I blinked to get used to the light from the sun. I looked at my surroundings, I was on a beach and surrounded by calm water, the sky was blue and the sun felt warm on my skin. 'Where am I? How did I get here?' I looked at the person that had spoken to me; a beautiful woman with piercing blue eyes, long hair and huge white wings. I had heard of angels from other people but I wasn't a person for believing in angels. 'Who are you?'

'I'm Lissle, your guardian angel.'

'But I'm not religious, I didn't think that I had a guardian angel.'

'We exist beyond religion Dixie, everyone has an angel to look after them. When you were born into this world I was tasked with looking after you.'

'You've been around me for my entire life?'

'I have, every minute of your life I have been by your side; through the struggles you've faced and all of the happy times too. I've seen you grow and develop as a person.'

'When the Malones made my life hell and when my dad died, were you there at those times?'

'I was, you might not have felt me or realised that I was there but I was by your side.'

'Why was I made to suffer? Why didn't you help me?'

'Everyone has certain situations that they have to go through in their lives, it is through these situations that you grow as a person. I did help you, who do you think guided you to Ben for counselling and gave you the courage to talk to him the day that you ran to his house after your first shift back at work after the accident?'

'You?' Lissle nodded and she smiled at me.

'Yes, I also made it so that Jeff was there for you. He wanted to help you but feared he might say the wrong thing and make it worse. I just gave him a little push in the right direction.'

'You know about Jeff?'

'Of course I do, he is your best friend, he means the world to you.'

'He is. What am I doing here? Am I dreaming?' I wasn't sure how I had got here or even what I was doing here.

I heard Lissle sigh and she looked at me with compassion, I felt a bit scared, what had happened to me? 'Do you remember saying that when you eventually died that you would like to end up on a beach with calm water and blue skies?'

'I do.' I looked at Lissle, what was she trying to tell me? 'Am I dead?'

'Not yet.'

'Then why am I here?'

'I need to talk to you, you have a decision to make.'

'What do you mean?'

'You got hurt and you're in hospital.'

'How badly?'

'The people you work with are trying to save your life as we speak.' I struggled to take in the information that I had just been given, I had got hurt and it sounded as if I was dying down there. 'What happened to me?'

'Do you want to know?'

'Tell me, I want to know.'

'You were shot while you were working.' I closed my eyes and tried to remember everything that had happened to bring me here, but, I couldn't. 'You have a choice to make Dixie, you can either go back to your body or you can stay here.'

'If I stay here, what happens to me down there?'

'If you stay then your mortal body will die. If you go back then you will live.'

'I have to choose whether to live or die?'

'Yes, I can't make the choice for you.' I just looked at the angel that was stood in front of me, I thought that it would be easier to make the decision of if I wanted to live or die. There were many thoughts running through my head and I was struggling to try and make sense of all of them.

My thoughts turned to my life and the people that I shared it with, I loved Little Abs and Jeff with all my heart, what would happen to them if I decided to stay? I love my job too, what would happen to the people that I help if I'm not there to do so? 'Jeff, he's my best friend, I love him, is he all right? Did he get hurt?'

'No he didn't, he is all right.' I breathed a sigh of relief, Jeff hadn't been hurt. 'You care for him, I can hear it in your voice, you're worried about what will happen to him.'

'I do, he annoyed me at first but he grew on me over time and I can't imagine my life without him.' Jeff was on my mind, how was he coping? I knew the answer, he would be blaming himself for this happening to me. Jeff is strong but there are things that get to him, his friends or his kids getting hurt are the biggest things that get to him. Could I leave him behind? Would he forgive me if I left him? Would he be all right? I shook my head, what am I going to do?

If I stayed then could I see my mum and dad again? I've wanted to see them for so long, dreamed of talking to them time and time again. I miss my mum and dad, I have done for a long time. 'Will I see my mum and dad if I stay?'

'Of course you will, they will be waiting for you.'

'I do want to see them again but I don't want to leave Jeff behind. I don't know what to do for the best, can you help me?'

'I cannot help you Dixie, this decision must be yours and yours alone.'

'I don't know what to do. Will my mum and dad forgive me if I go back?'

'They won't blame you for going back, your decision is the one that matters.' I sighed, what am I going to do? Do I want to stay and see my mum and dad again? Do I want to go back and see my Jeffrey again?

Jeff pops into my mind again, I feel guilty, he's my best friend and if I die then I know that he will feel guilty. If I die then he will blame himself for my death. We've always been partners and looked out for each other on shouts. I feel sorry for him, I know that he will be by my side and waiting with me, he will be supporting me and holding my hand whenever he can. I hope that someone is looking after him and he isn't alone through all of this. I know that he won't leave me to face this by myself. Jeff loves me, I know that he does, I love him too. He's always there and ready with a hug when I need one. I wish that I could see him and comfort him, I want him to know that I don't blame him for what happened. I turned to Lissle, I needed to know where Jeff was. 'Is Jeff with me?'

'Yes, he is, he hasn't left your side.'

'I thought so. I knew that he wouldn't leave me.'

'The bond that you share with Jeff is a strong one, your friendship is one that is hard to break.'

'I know.' I smile, Jeff has always been my rock and I can't imagine my life without him.

I sigh again and look out to the sea, it is peaceful and lovely here. I remember saying that I wanted to come somewhere like this when it was my time to die. I didn't think that I would have ended up here so soon. I've got dreams, there are things that I still want to do with my life, why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? 'Was it my fault, is this my punishment for something that I've done?'

'No Dixie, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

'Oh,' I whispered.

'Dixie, you need to make a decision. You must decide if you wish to stay here or if you want to return to your body.'

'How am I here and in the hospital at the same time?'

'Only your soul is here, it is your physical body that remains behind in the hospital. Your physical body cannot live without your soul.'

'Okay, I understand, I think.'

'You must make a decision, what is it going to be?' I took a deep breath and I looked at Lissle.

'I've made my decision.'

'What are you going to do, will you stay here or will you return to your body?' I took another deep breath and told Lissle what I had decided to do. I close my eyes as Lissle folds her wings around me and she kisses me on the head. I just hope that I have made the right decision, that I am doing the right thing.


	2. Chapter Two

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Making A Choice**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: Making choices is sometimes the hardest thing to do.**

**Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, the story and all original characters belong to me and I do not give permission for them to reproduced or used elsewhere.**

**Reviews are welcome :)**

**Author's Note: Thank you to BeethovenRIP, Olivia. c .king1, Carlykinz and Chan. nelson4444 for your reviews :)**

**Enjoy the chapter everyone. Might need your tissues though :(**

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**Chapter Two... Jeff.**

I stood in resus, watching the scene unfolding in front of me, the tears pouring down my face. I didn't care that everyone could see me crying, all I cared about was that my Dixie was here, she had been hurt and I had been powerless to stop it. It had started out like any other shout and we had been called to deal with it. I had only gone outside to get the board from the ambulance and that was when I heard the shot. My heart stopped when I heard it, my mind instantly went to Dixie, she was in there and she was alone. I shouldn't have left her, if I had stayed to treat the patient and Dixie had gone outside then I would be the one lying there with the hole in my chest and not my Dixie. I should be the one lying there, not her, she didn't deserve to be hurt like this, she has only ever tried to help people. 'My Dixie, don't leave me, please don't leave me. I need you princess,' I whispered. I wiped away the tears that were clouding my vision and the team that were working on Dixie and trying to save her life came back into view. They tried to make me leave, I'm not leaving, I can't leave my Dixie, she needs me, I won't leave her alone again.

I looked at Dixie's face, I won't look away from her, she has to know that I am there for her through this. My thoughts quickly turned to what happened at the shout, I ran back in when I heard the shot and I froze, my Dixie was lying there on the floor with blood pouring from her chest. I stood there and just stared, I couldn't take it all in, my Dixie was hurt, someone had hurt her and I hadn't been there to protect her. Had those seconds that I was stood there rooted to the spot cost Dixie her life? If she died then it would be my fault, I left her in there and someone had hurt her. I had promised to protect her and I had failed. More tears ran down my face and I wiped them away with the back of my hand. 'Please, spare her, take me instead if you have to, take my life, just please spare her.' I prayed to anyone that would listen to me, anyone that would help my Dixie and keep her alive. 'I will be a better man and live a good life, I will help as many people as I possibly can, please, don't take my Dixie from me.' I wanted to go and help Dixie but Nick had already asked me to stay back once, I don't want them to chuck me out so I will do as I am told. I am determined to be there for Dixie in any way that I can.

I wanted to go and find the person that had done this to her, I wanted to get hold of them and beat them until they ended up here, I wanted to kill them for hurting my Dixie. I could almost hear Dixie telling me not to be so stupid, I would give anything just to hear her yelling at me again. What did she do to deserve this? Nothing. Dixie is the kindest and most loving person I have ever met, why did this have to happen to her? 'Come on Dixie, you're stronger than this. Please princess, please fight this, for yourself, for me.' I was trying to give Dixie all of the encouragement that I could, I just hope that she can hear me. I don't want to lose her, I won't be able to cope if I lose her. I know we're not a proper married couple but I care about Dixie, I love her, she is my best friend and I can't lose her. I've lost my kids to another man and their mother, I can't lose my Dixie too, please don't take her from me. I hope someone up there can hear me, I'll do anything, just please let her be okay, please let her live.

I almost scream in frustration when I hear the monitor by Dixie's bed sound its alarm, I know what it means, Dixie's heart has stopped and she is slipping away from me. 'I love you princess, please don't leave me.' I know that I am begging, I don't care, I don't want to lose her. I want to go over to Dixie and hold her hand but I know that I can't. I watch as Nick and Zoe both work on Dixie, I felt Tess put her hand on my shoulder and I shudder as the shock from the defibrillator makes Dixie's body jerk. She looks so fragile and small, all of the voices fade away as I look at my Dixie. The alarm from the monitor continues to sound its warning, the shock has failed and my Dixie is still in danger of losing her life. She is lying there so close to death because some bastard shot her, I clench my fists and pray even harder that someone will listen to me and bring my Dixie back to me.

Zoe starts compressions and Nick injects Dixie with a shot of adrenaline, I know they're trying their best to bring her back again, I know they won't let her go without a fight. 'Please Dixie, fight this, you've done it once, I know you can do it again.' Her heart has stopped once already in the ambulance and she had fought back, I just hope that she can do it again. Of course she can do it again, she's my Dixie. I just watch Zoe and Nick working on Dixie, she has two of the best doctors in Holby working on her and if anyone can get her back then it is those two. I force myself to watch as another shock worked its way through Dixie's body, hope is slipping away, they only have one more chance to get her heart started again. I shake my head, no, Dixie won't die, she will come back to me and I will look after her as she recovers, I will be there by her side and I will take care of her.

I look over at Dixie and it is then that I notice something odd, she has bright lights all around her. I wiped my eyes but still the lights remained and they seemed to be forming a shape to one side of her. I looked around but nobody else seemed to notice what was happening. I just watched as the lights formed to make a figure, it was a woman and she had wings, was she an angel? Was she Dixie's angel? I went to say something but she put her finger to her lips. 'Just listen, only you can see and hear me. Everything is going to be fine, I promise.' The woman leaned down and she kissed Dixie on the head, her wings moved around Dixie and then she pulled them back after a few seconds. Another shock went through Dixie's body and I just stared at the angel as the monitor started bleeping to show that Dixie's heart had started again. 'We've got her, she's back,' Zoe said and I just stared at the angel, she smiled at me and walked over to where I was stood. 'Look after Dixie, she will need you.' I just nodded and tried to smile through my tears.

'Thank you,' I whispered to her and then she smiled at me and disappeared.

I wasn't sure what had just happened, I wasn't one for believing in angels but something had just happened in here, something that I couldn't ignore. I am going to have to rethink my entire belief system but that could wait for now, my Dixie needs me more. I went over to the bed that Dixie was in and I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. 'Well done princess, I knew you could do it.' Dixie's eyes slowly opened and she looked at me.

'Jeff, is that you?'

'It's all right princess, I'm here.' I stroked Dixie's hair and kissed her on the head.

'I came back for you, I couldn't leave you behind Jeffrey. I had to make the choice.'

'What do you mean by choice princess?'

'My angel told me, I had to choose to stay on my beach or return, she brought me back here.' I knew the beach that Dixie meant, she once told me that she wanted heaven to be like a beach on a summer's day. Had Dixie seen heaven while her heart had stopped? I kissed Dixie's head and squeezed her hand gently. 'We can talk about that later sweetheart, right now all that matters is you get better.'

'I know you think I'm nuts Jeff but I saw my angel, she was with me.'

'I don't think you're nuts princess, I saw her too.'

'Did you?'

'Yeah, she was here, she told me that you were going to be fine.'

'My Jeffrey,' Dixie said and she reached up to stroke my face. 'I love you, you're my best friend.'

'I love you too princess.' Dixie smiled at me and she brushed away some of the tears that had started to fall from my eyes.

'My Jeffrey, why are you crying?'

'I thought I lost you Dixie.'

'Never, I won't leave you, I promise.'

'I promise too, I'm going to look after you Dixie.' Dixie smiled at me again and I kept hold of her hand in mine, reassuring myself that my Dixie was alive and I hadn't lost her. Dixie had a long way to go, she was going to have some time in hospital after she'd had the bullet wounds repaired and then she would need time to recover at home but I will be with her every step of the way. I will devote my time to looking after Dixie and helping her for as long as she needs me to. I promised Dixie and her angel that I would take care of her and it is one promise that I intend to keep, forever.


End file.
